Tis' The Season: A Time to be Grateful

Dear Readers,

During the past couple of years, I've approached the Thanksgiving season with a sort of begrudging attitude. I think that's because I worked retail or for the airlines, both of which will reek havoc on your holiday spirit and your sense of good will toward men. It's funny how the holiday season will turn the general public into swarms of jackasses, eagerly spending their hard earned money on crap that will be forgotten within a month or two, or on a plane ticket to fly home and be with those loving family members that make them miserable and angry. Even now, just typing about it my anxiety level is rising and I'm beginning to feel nauseous. This year, however, is different. I'm not working at a cash register or making calorie ridden holiday coffee beverages; rather I'm spending time with family, preparing for a whirl wind of baking, and most of all learning to appreciate what this time of year represents and trying to enjoy it.

At the beginning of this year, before all of the tears and tragedy that were to come, I made commitment to myself to be conscious of my well-being. A big part of that was writing down every day 10 things that I am grateful for. Some days my grateful lists go on and on, way beyond the requisite 10. Other days, it was a struggle to think of 3 or 4. The lists vary from the obvious (friends, family, etc) to the obscure (new pair of tweezers, Don Draper, etc). Rarely are they written in the same notebook or journal; they've shown up on Post-It notes, the backs of checkbooks, written in text messages, and sometimes never make it out of my mind at all. It's a remarkable thing what acknowledging ten things a day that you are thankful for can do for your attitude. Knowing this, I force others around me to do it when they are down or struggling. Usually by the 8th item, they are smiling. Occasionally by the 9th, tears are flowing. Always by the 10th, their attitude's improved. I know how annoying it is to have someone shove this in your face when you're not in the mood for it, because my friends and family now do it to me too. But like everyone else, after listing a few things, I'm feeling a little better about life.

Finding myself in the midst of the most grateful holiday of the year, I'm conflicted with feelings of both excitement and dread. I'm excited to go home to my parents house for Thanksgiving day, something I haven't done in years. I'm excited to eat my mom's food, sit by their fireplace, gather around my grandpa's yellow kitchen table, and be in the general warmth and comfort that you can't find anywhere but the house you grew up in. I'm excited to go outside and feel the cold weather in my lungs, be reminded I'm alive by the arthritis in my hip and hands, to search for pieces of nature that will look beautiful in the wreath I'll put together in my dad's garage. I'm excited to visit my friend Monica and her beautiful red-headed family, to hang out at my Aunt Nan's where food and laughter can always be found, and to watch Rupert transform into Christmas City. All of these things are wonderful and heart warming. They come at the cost of leaving Boise behind though, and this is a very intentional move. Last year I made dinner for my friend-family, and I just can't bring myself to carry that on this year. I dread even the thought of that empty chair at my table. And my heart goes out to all of those that understand what I mean. This time of year is not only a reminder of what we have, but also of what we've lost. It's hard to imagine a holiday that won't seasoned with a few salty tears from now on. If that empty chair has taught me anything, it's to be aware of those wonderful people I have around me and acknowledge that their presence makes my life that much better.

I'd like to close this blog with my grateful list for today. And if you're feeling a bit under the weather about the upcoming holidays, I encourage you to write your own list. It's doesn't have to be hard, just heartfelt. I think you'll be amazed at the results.

1. Shay and Lucas, my sturdy little family.
2. My parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, who taught me what a family should be.
3. Everyday that I spent with Loren Reed, up until his last one.
4. Chris, Jenny, Jason, PL, Saratops, Aaron, Andrew, Catie, Tyler, Courtney, Jessica and countless others who I call friends and love like no others.
5. My kitchen appliances, which allow me to bake every day.
6. My iPod.
7. My books, particularly those written by John Steinbeck.
8. Boise.
9. My blog. I don't know who reads it really, but I'm glad that someone does. I hope it's as enjoyable for them to read it as it is for me to write it.
10. Northwest Lineman College. I love my job, and they seem to love me. It's a pleasure to work there.

Sincerely (and Gratefully),
h.