I Do, Indeed

Dear Readers,

Had a cup of crappy coffee at Shari's Restaurant. That's what Shay and I did on our first "date". Shay was 22, and I was a month shy of it. In fact, next week marks our 10th year of being together. Tomorrow marks our 9th year of marriage. I still remember that evening at Shari's like it happened yesterday. The inbetween is certainly blurry in spots, but I don't think I'll ever forget Shay in his Triple 5 Soul hooded sweatshirt, his curly locks, his sad gray eyes, and him telling me I shouldn't swear because it wasn't a pretty thing to do. We talked all night and then just stayed by each other's side from then on.

During the last decade we have experienced a lot. I'm not sure if it's more or less than most couple, but it sure feels like a significant bit to me. Just to give you a taste, here are some of the highlights (and lowlights) of our time together so far:

1. Church. Ugh. Church. We tried so hard to be going church going people. It ends up that we're are a far happier couple when you take religion out of the equation!

2. Lucas. We were just toddlers it seems when we found out that we were going to have a baby. Only 9th months into our marriage, I took the 3 pregnancy tests that told us in a very short and sweet symbol that our lives were going to change forever. Sure enough, Lucas came to us the following November (6 weeks early...he's been late for everything since) and brought with him a nice little package of sleep deprivation and a terror that only new parents experience. He has grown up to prove himself a worthy distraction however, and in the end made Shay and I a stronger couple (especially when he started sleeping through the night at age two).

3. Moving. 6 times, to be exact. We're not a couple that fights, it's just not becoming on us. When we move, however, all bets are off and we swing punches freely. The last move wasn't as bad as those before it. However, our next move if all goes as planned will be our last. Not because we want to be home owners, but because we're both fearful that our marriage won't survive any more moves than that.

4. Loss. Since I've been with Shay, we've had the unfortunate experiences of losing my Aunt Holly, his Grandma Plummer, his Great Grandma Bertha, my Uncle Leon, our friend Michael, and of course our darling friend/adopted brother/son Loren. In the middle of all of these wonderful people moving on in their existence, we also lost our unborn child, and with it my ability to have more children. This was several years ago now, but it rocked our foundation and only now am I able to see just how much damage it caused. But we mourned it, survived it, and (speaking for myself, at least) are still learning from it. Although my body was left weaker from the ordeal, I think my spirit grew in lengths, and I have learned that I can survive even the worst heartache. I didn't expect to feel something so close to it in losing Loren, but it sure as hell did. Shay and I have each other though, and the loss of a loved one most certainly creates stronger bonds with the loved ones you have left. I can say with the upmost confidence that these sad losses have added a solidity to our marriage that wouldn't have been there otherwise.

5. School and work. Shay was in school for the first 6 1/2 years of our marriage. I've changed jobs 5 times since we've been together. It makes me nauseous to even think about. Regardless of the stress of school, the doubts of careers, and the fluctuation in income, we were always there to support each other (sometimes in very loud voices). Remembering to keep the other's hopes and dreams in sight, we've somehow or another arrived at a place that will set the foundations of our next 10 years which should prove to be far more successful. I can speak for both of us in saying, we wouldn't have made it to where we're at without each other. True we may be far richer and more famous than we already are without each other, but our egos would have been way out of check. But now that Shay is an unofficially tenured teacher (thanks for taking that title away, Tom Luna), we have the road to our future paved in gold. Literally. Teachers make BANK!

6. Love. So much love! For each other. For our son. For our friends and family, and family that we call friends. The support we have from the people we've surrounded ourselves with is astounding and humbling. I get all sorts of giddy when I think about the people we are so lucky, so very very lucky, to have in our lives. I know how fortunate I am to have a husband who lets me hang out with our guy friends without getting jealous. He knows he can hang out with our girl friends without me getting jealous either. What a great feeling it is to be trusted and know that you can trust! Integrity, folks, is a great and valuable thing. Don't marry anyone without it.

There are a lot of things that have happened during the last 10 years that could be blogged about for hours. But I think this little selection sums it up pretty well. This year, more than any other, I've been reminded of the reasons that we ended up together. I can't imagine, nor do I want to, spending my life and experiences with anyone else. Our bond is strong, our friendship is stronger.

Thank you, Shay, for choosing me. And in case you haven't figured it out by now, I cho-cho-choose you.

Sincerely,
h.