Tis' The Season: A Time to be Grateful

Dear Readers,

During the past couple of years, I've approached the Thanksgiving season with a sort of begrudging attitude. I think that's because I worked retail or for the airlines, both of which will reek havoc on your holiday spirit and your sense of good will toward men. It's funny how the holiday season will turn the general public into swarms of jackasses, eagerly spending their hard earned money on crap that will be forgotten within a month or two, or on a plane ticket to fly home and be with those loving family members that make them miserable and angry. Even now, just typing about it my anxiety level is rising and I'm beginning to feel nauseous. This year, however, is different. I'm not working at a cash register or making calorie ridden holiday coffee beverages; rather I'm spending time with family, preparing for a whirl wind of baking, and most of all learning to appreciate what this time of year represents and trying to enjoy it.

At the beginning of this year, before all of the tears and tragedy that were to come, I made commitment to myself to be conscious of my well-being. A big part of that was writing down every day 10 things that I am grateful for. Some days my grateful lists go on and on, way beyond the requisite 10. Other days, it was a struggle to think of 3 or 4. The lists vary from the obvious (friends, family, etc) to the obscure (new pair of tweezers, Don Draper, etc). Rarely are they written in the same notebook or journal; they've shown up on Post-It notes, the backs of checkbooks, written in text messages, and sometimes never make it out of my mind at all. It's a remarkable thing what acknowledging ten things a day that you are thankful for can do for your attitude. Knowing this, I force others around me to do it when they are down or struggling. Usually by the 8th item, they are smiling. Occasionally by the 9th, tears are flowing. Always by the 10th, their attitude's improved. I know how annoying it is to have someone shove this in your face when you're not in the mood for it, because my friends and family now do it to me too. But like everyone else, after listing a few things, I'm feeling a little better about life.

Finding myself in the midst of the most grateful holiday of the year, I'm conflicted with feelings of both excitement and dread. I'm excited to go home to my parents house for Thanksgiving day, something I haven't done in years. I'm excited to eat my mom's food, sit by their fireplace, gather around my grandpa's yellow kitchen table, and be in the general warmth and comfort that you can't find anywhere but the house you grew up in. I'm excited to go outside and feel the cold weather in my lungs, be reminded I'm alive by the arthritis in my hip and hands, to search for pieces of nature that will look beautiful in the wreath I'll put together in my dad's garage. I'm excited to visit my friend Monica and her beautiful red-headed family, to hang out at my Aunt Nan's where food and laughter can always be found, and to watch Rupert transform into Christmas City. All of these things are wonderful and heart warming. They come at the cost of leaving Boise behind though, and this is a very intentional move. Last year I made dinner for my friend-family, and I just can't bring myself to carry that on this year. I dread even the thought of that empty chair at my table. And my heart goes out to all of those that understand what I mean. This time of year is not only a reminder of what we have, but also of what we've lost. It's hard to imagine a holiday that won't seasoned with a few salty tears from now on. If that empty chair has taught me anything, it's to be aware of those wonderful people I have around me and acknowledge that their presence makes my life that much better.

I'd like to close this blog with my grateful list for today. And if you're feeling a bit under the weather about the upcoming holidays, I encourage you to write your own list. It's doesn't have to be hard, just heartfelt. I think you'll be amazed at the results.

1. Shay and Lucas, my sturdy little family.
2. My parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, who taught me what a family should be.
3. Everyday that I spent with Loren Reed, up until his last one.
4. Chris, Jenny, Jason, PL, Saratops, Aaron, Andrew, Catie, Tyler, Courtney, Jessica and countless others who I call friends and love like no others.
5. My kitchen appliances, which allow me to bake every day.
6. My iPod.
7. My books, particularly those written by John Steinbeck.
8. Boise.
9. My blog. I don't know who reads it really, but I'm glad that someone does. I hope it's as enjoyable for them to read it as it is for me to write it.
10. Northwest Lineman College. I love my job, and they seem to love me. It's a pleasure to work there.

Sincerely (and Gratefully),
h.

Lucas Turns 8, great Great GREAT!

Dear Readers,

This coming Saturday marks a very important and significant occasion. As of 10:00am November 12, 2011, Lucas turns 8 years old. I know your first thought is, "Wow! I didn't know Heather had a baby when she was in high school!" Although I'm flattered by your suggestion that I am much younger than I am, this blog is about my son, not me.

Yesterday he and I were driving to my sister Kate's house for Sunday dinner. We were having a conversation about his upcoming birthday party when he said something (for the life of me I can't remember what it was) that sounded just like something Loren would have said. I don't know how I've missed it until now, but it occurred to me that he has come into his own personality and it's spiced and sweetened with the personalities of those who have been around him most. I got a little choked up at the thought of him getting so big, and even more choked up in considering how fortunate I've been as a mother to have such wonderful people around to help in the raising of Lucas. Here are just a few examples:



The above picture is of my Grandma Hazel and my Grandpa Cal. Unfortunately they both left this Earth before Lucas joined it, but they are influential none-the-less. Lucas' middle name, Calvin, is after this great man. He set a benchmark example in compassion for me, and in turn for Lucas. Without a doubt, Lucas is one of the most loving and compassionate people I've ever had the pleasure to meet, and I would like to think it comes from his Braegger DNA (not to mention the Badgers, the Rices and the Plummers). He definitely lives up to his namesake.





Lucas has some of the best grandparents a kid could ask for. Grandma Kristie, Papa David, Grandma Paula, and Papa John have been important and constant figures in his life since day one. He loves to visit Rupert to visit King's and go on outdoor adventures with the Grandparents Badger. Riding motorcycles and finding other ways to freak out his mom is a favorite pastime with Papa John. And any minute spent with Grandma Paula is amazing and looked forward to. You can see any and all of his grandparents in Lucas, and he knows just how lucky he is to have such a loving bunch of them.





On any given day, Aunt Andrea or Aunt Kate (my sisters) will take credit for raising Lucas. Both would be right. Lucas loves them both very much, and loves to spend time with them. He inherited Andrea's love of marshmallow milkshakes and Kate's scorn for anything stupid. When asked which is his favorite aunt, he is very diplomatic (and very much like his Grandma Kristie) when he says he loves them both the same. Uncle AJ is always down for a good excuse to play video games, and Lucas is always happy to oblige.



I carry a little guilt over the fact that Lucas is an only child. I think back to my days of fighting incessantly with my sisters, and can't help but think that maybe he's missing out on something. Then again, where Lucas lacks in siblings, he gained in cousins. Sam, Elise, Jack, Lucy, Annie, and especially Max have filled what would otherwise be a sibling less void in his life. They laugh, they fight, they get into crazy mischief and usually end up in some sort of trouble together. He is lucky to have such a great group of cousins to learn the ways of the world with. If anything else, Lucy has taught him a very colorful vocabulary indeed.






For most people friends come and go. For the Plummer's, they stay the same. Chris, Loren, Jason (not pictured), Aaron, Andrew, P.L., Jenny (not pictured), Saratops, not to mention a few others throughout the years (that means you, Drew and Lacey) have been some of the biggest influences in Lucas' life. He's learned valuable life skills from them, such as how to survive a street gang attack, the proper handling of a bull whip, and the sweet satisfaction of beating a bunch of adult men at Battlefield. He's also learned the importance of friendship by watching the camaraderie between us grow, and recognizes this group of extraordinary people as family. His snark, his sense of humor, his sense of responsibility, and his ability to order his mom coffee at Dawsons and his own bagel at Alia's has all been derived from his friend family. And at least once a week he says to me, "Boy I sure do miss Loren.", once again demonstrating that sweet, compassionate side of him.



Lucas has the most amazing imagination, and usually chooses to show it through drawing. He gets that from his dad. Lucas can convince you that he's listening, and then shake his little head and ask, "What were you saying?". He gets that from his dad. Video games, fascination with science fiction, Star Wars, and the biggest little heart this side of the Mississippi, all of them attributes of his father. Calm and patient, loving and thoughtful, soft spoken and a critical thinker, all indications that Lucas is Shay's son. Really, he couldn't ask for a better dad, and we're both lucky to have him.



As for me, well, I'm not too sure what I've given Lucas besides my eyes and an extra tender heart. But I know that he has given me a few things. I didn't know I wanted to be a mom until he was born, and at that I point I realized I could never imagine not being one. He's taught me the value of taking your sweet time. He helped my heart to grow to an unprecedented size. Lucas has instilled in me a sense of devotion and loyalty that knows no boundaries. Everything in my world shifted when he entered into it, leaving it a far sunnier and fun place to be.

So I ask you, dear readers, to join me in wishing young Lucas a superb and memorable 8th year of life. May it be as sweet and fun and as wonderful as he is.

Sincerely,
h.

There's a Song in My Heart (and it's Probably From the Nineties)

Dear Readers,

Music has been on my mind a lot lately. Literally. I've had my iPod plugged into my head for hours on end, wondering what tricks I can use to make Animal Collective play louder, or being caught rapping along with Dr. Dre. Occasionally I pop one ear bud out and tap it into Lucas' little ear and have an impromptu dance session in the living room. I've even been streaming my favorite classical piano music, pining away for a keyboard to play on. Day and night I've got a beat in my head and I just can't seem to get over it.

Now, please understand this is not a negative place for me to be. Between Shay and I we have over a months worth of music. Can you imagine? We could go through the entire month and never hear the same song twice with our stereo going 24 hours a day. Take out the dub step and some of the other crap Shay tries to pretend is listenable, and you're guarenteed at least 25 days worth of good music. So I have taken on this insatiable craving as a challenge to listen to songs and bands I'm not familiar with. And you know what I've found? Some real gems, like Pretty Lights and CocoRosie. I also included some blasts from the past like The Talking Heads and a few old PJ Harvey albums. Fantastic stuff. And if you haven't listened to the new albums out from Bjork or the Beastie Boys you're missing out.

At this point you might assume that I'm going to tell you what a music snob I am; that I have albums that no one has ever heard of. That I will mock your taste in music regardless of what name you drop. Unless you're my sister Andrea, I assure you that's not the case. In fact, I've realized that I am stuck in a music rut. Despite my recent exploration of our music library, I pretty much listen to the same albums and bands over and over. So, in no particular order, here is the list of the top 10 albums I've listened to consistently for the last few years:

1. Radiohead: In Rainbows
2. Radiohead: Hail to the Thief
3. The White Stripes: White Blood Cells
4: Handsome Boy Modeling School: White People
5: The Shins: Chutes to Narrow
6: Badly Drawn Boy: Have You Fed the Fish?
7: Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits
8: The Beatles: The White Album
9: LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver
10: Seu Jorge: The Life Aquatic

You can tell just about everything you need to know about me from this list. The only thing more revealing would be my reading list, but that's an entirely different blog. Also, there are individual songs that I listen to over and over, like a teenager newly in love or with a fresh broken heart, depending on the day. Loren's song "Honce" is played almost every day (and with a sip of PBR spilled on the sidewalk in his honor). Hot Chip's "My Baby Said" is consistently stuck in my head. Why's "Gemini" is a gift from the heaven's and never gets old.

Regardless, I feel like I have finally become old enough that I have a hard time believing that music is going to improve over what has already been made. It's a ridiculous concept, I know. Of course there will be new amazing artists and songs. But I just don't care anymore, not like I used to anyway. I can feel my arthritic self settling into this next phase of life where my interests and cares are shifted from pop culture to other distractions, like tea or crocheting. No longer will I lay next to my stereo speaker, listening to Led Zeppelin like I was the first person to discover them. Never again shall I come face to face with my rock idol and say "I love you!" like a complete jackass. There are only a handful of bands that I would pay over $50 to see live. And festivals that go on for days remind me of some sort of torture.

So I'll just settle into my rocking chair with my cat on my lap and my iPod on shuffle, enjoying the sounds that take me back to a time when I spent all my money and time on the music that's still pumping through my headphones.

Sincerely,
h.